"We just all wanted to believe the pretty fairy tale and not the ugly truth..."
Yes, I did it, I watched the documentary 'The Armstrong Lie' (Alex Gibney). I know about ten months ago I wrote I wasn't interested in it at all (post you can read here) but at the end I just want to know everything. I think I came to the point that I excepted Lance's cheating so the allegations of doping that used to piss me off, don't matter anymore because it's not just an allegation, it's a fact. I have read and seen everything about Lance for the last five years, so why stop now? I even read David Walsh's book and believe me, that's a big thing for me because Walsh was seen as Armstrong's big enemy. But even though I'm getting to know the other side of the story better now, I'm not judging Lance. I never have and I don't think I ever will. I'm just trying to understand him.
Well, back to the documentary! I was very sceptical and I think I have every reason to. When there are documentaries made about Armstrong, it's very easy to focus on the arrogant, bullying jerk he was (or is). Many of the documentaries I have seen were like this, Lance is the devil and he destroyed the whole cycling world. But this documentary was different, it was kind of honest. Kind of, because there were still things Lance clearly didn't want to talk about. But it was the most honest I have ever seen Lance. And that struck me because for the first time it was as if he was struggling with what he has done.It seems he almost even felt sorry for what he did and honestly, I have never seen him like this. Somehow it made me think of Johnny Cash and his song and videoclip 'Hurt'. The old, lonely man (sorry Lance, I know you're not that old yet) looking back on his life, on all the choices he made, all the friends he lost, all the fans he betrayed. Has he done the right thing? And if not, could he ever fix his mistakes? In this documentary you do see another side of Armstrong. His real and honest side? I don't know, it all might be just another trick of Lance but I have to say I do believe him. Most of the time. Why wouldn't I? Because he has lied in the past? Yeah, sure. But what does he still has to lose? He lost a large amount of his money, his foundation, his reputation, friends and fans, sponsors,.. What's left to protect?
This is also the first documentary I feel like I understand what, and more important why everybody has done what they did. Especially in the case of Michele Ferrari. And it's great Gibney got Ferrari to talk in front of his camera. Not many can say they did. Ferrari was in the first place a scientist and he was doing research to the limits of what is humanly possible. He wanted to see how far he could push the human body, with training, nutrition and of course doping. He just needed the perfect person to test all of this on. And then he met Lance and he was perfect, he was everything Ferrari was looking for. I think in a way Ferrari has used Armstrong and his teammates as some sort of guinea pigs. But it was the perfect win-win-situation, they both had what they wanted.
And Lance only wanted one thing, to win. No, not just win, but to defeat, dominate. That's something you still see when he's talking about his comeback in 2009. He believed he was able to win the Tour that year. When he realises he just isn't good enough and he can't keep up with the younger generation, he's heartbroken and that's a very good piece in this documentary. Lance is close to crying because for the first time in a very long time he is not good enough to do what he wants. And there is nothing he can do about it. I honestly really liked that part, not that I am some sort of sadistic person who likes to see the emotional pain of my hero, no, but because it's real. I don't think his whole show with Oprah was real, the tears, the excuses, that was all staged. But that moment, in the Tour of 2009, that was real. He lost control about everything and he hated it.
So of course Lance wanted to get back in control after that moment and wanted to show everyone, including himself he was still good enough. So did he dope before the stage to the Mont Ventoux? I don't know. I would like to say I'd be ready to put my hand in the fire and say he didn't dope but I can't. I have put my hand in the fire a lot for Lance and what happend? I got burned. If Lance was clean, 2009 was an incredible performance. By far his best Tour ever, knowing what we know today. If he wasn't, it was just another lie, another part of the fairy tale he made us believe. Another proof that his comeback wasn't any different and that he hasn't changed a bit. Only time will tell I guess.
Catya Leroux
